last day

Today is last day in 2008, HORRREEEE..
hmmm, headache & flu that how i feel rite now..
why this fuc*** sickness came in the same time with new year eve??
but, whatever... at least i still alive until today
to celebrate new year 2009.
new year, new spirit, new heart, and new life..
SEMANGAT!!

serbuu

Today, after work i will go to mall
hunting discount products..
hheheh, jaman lagi susah nih..
kudu pinter2 pilih barang..
READY, GET SET, GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
AYO dipilih dipilih...

new year 2008

Hmm.., almost new year nich..
again and again i will spend my new year eve without my boyfriend..
sad, disappointed its my feeling right now., but what else i can say?
at least right now, this year i still can spend my with my parent and friends.

and the most important thing is, my new year resolutions.
Be a better daughter, sister, girlfriend, and friends
stop smoking (which is i still cant stop it until now)
save money
never late go to my office
clean my room
save money again
hehhehe..
i think thats all..

yeah i can do all of it or not,
just wait and see..
at the end at least i try..

btw, happy new year guys..
hope u have a blast in this new year eve
hev fun, take care and remember save sex(i always remind this thing to my friend)..
ciauuu

"Bapak itu"

"Bapak itu", jangan mau ditakutin donk..
yang ada harusnya diseganin..

gak tau apa emang karena gue phobia ama "Bapak itu" ato emang semua org sama kaya gue yah..

Tiap pagi gue naek motor ke kantor,
ngelewatin beberapa persimpangan dan lampu merah..
tiap kali berhenti di lampu merah, ntah naek motor ato mobil
jantung gue pasti deg degan (kalo ada bapak kita itu yah)

kalo ada "bapak itu" trus kita jadi naatin peraturan lalu lintas, trus ga ngelanggar lampu merah, trus ga ngelewatin marka jalan itu sih bagus..

sekarang yg jadi masalah itu kalo kita udah taat2, tapi masih kena tilang juga..
BT banget kan????

tiap kali lampu merah, pasti ada aja org yg kena tilang.
padahal klo diliat yah orang itu gak salah apa2
helm pake, spion lengkap, gak lewatin garis, dan yang paling parah.. berhenti di lampu merah..

klo kita udah nyoba buat taat tapi malah kena tilang,
udah gak bener tuh..
hehhehe.., udah edan jaman ini..

"Bapak itu" ditakutin karena terkenal suka nyari gara2, bukannya terkenal karena membela kebenaran (kaya pahlawan bertopeng yah)

hehehhe..,
udah akh.., mati ide nih..
temen2 kasih comment yah mengenai "bapak itu"

pacarku bule!!

Hmm.., pacarku bule..

"enak donk nanti bisa ganti kewarganegaraan"
"pasti anak kamu cute"
"wah, banyak duitnya tuh"
"tinggi yah? matanya warna apa?"
"romantis donk pasti?"
"kalo mo kissingan gimana, kan kamu pendek (ups imoet kali bukan pendek)"

diatas ini adalah beberapa omongan yang sering gue denger dari temen2 begitu tau pacar gue bule..
tapi yang paling sering dan extrem :"wah, bule?? gede donk.. suka yang gede2 yah"

hehehe, kadang lucu sih kalo liat ekspresi org2..
banyak yang positive, tapi gak jarang juga negative..

Beda itu indah, tapi kadang nyebelin juga sih..
mulai dari beda makan.., ya iyalah secara mulut gue ini mulut kampoeng banget doyan nya nasi uduk, bakso, sio may, dan aneka jajanan kampung lainnya (sslurrpppss, jadi laper nih)..

banyak kejadian lucu, aneh, nyenengin, nyebelin yang gue lalui selama pacaran ama bule..

Mulai berantem gara2 makan, bosen makan direstoran tertentu, berantem gara2 miscom (sama2 org indo aja kadang suka miscom kan??), trus yang gak ngerti jalan pikiran dia gimana, tapi....
yang paling parah, gue pernah di sangka hooker alias pelacur ama supir taxi..
sial banget gak tuh?? gara2 gue pacaran ama bule, emang udah pasti gue hooker??

tuh supir dengan seenak jidatnya nanya gue
"mbak mbak, mau tanya nich kog cari cew chinese itu susah yah?? kadang tamu saya minta cew chinese suka gak dapet tuh""

Ya Tuhan, ampuni lah supir taxi itu..

tapi yah, mau diapain lagi..
semua ada plus minusnya kan??

lagian love is blind, dan gue gak bs milih siapa yang bakalan ngelepasin panah ke hati gue..

lagian kalo gue bs milih, gue gak akan pilih orang lain.
karena at least until today, he is the best guy i ever met..

I love u baby..

When best friend become bad

Pernah ngerasain di khianatin??
Di khianatin ama sahabat sendiri apalagi.

Gue baru tau hari Sabtu kemarin, ternyata rahasia2 gue selama ini yang awalnya gue pikir "best friend secret" tiba2 jadi konsumsi publik.
dan hal itu ngaruh ke hub gue ama cow gue.., secara cow gue jadi ngeraguin kejujuran gue gara2 itu..
dia blg klo si "X" tau, knp gue gak loe ksih tau??
gue kan pacar loe!!

emang sih, gue n x best friend gue itu skrg udah gak terlalu deket. Malah bisa di bilang kita gak pernah ngomong lagi sama sekali, tapi bukan berarti dia bisa bocorin semuanya kan??

Hmm.., pengen banget rasanya gue bales bocorin rahasia dia.., secara rahasia dia itu jg bs mempengaruhi hub dia ama cow nya.. bole di bilang rahasia dia lbh dasyat lagi..
tapi gue pikir2 kagak ada gunanya lah.., kalo gue bocorin sama aja gue kaya dia..
untrustworthy person..

makanya temen2, buat yang punya best friend cew..
harap jangan terlalu ngumbar rahasia..
loe orang gak akan pernah tau hati mereka gimana..

saat semuanya baek sih, kemungkinan kecil dibocorin..
tapi klo emang udah gak ngomongan lagi.., cew itu bisa dengan gampangnya ngomongin rahasia dan kejelekan kita ke orang2..

itu makanya knp org2 blg cew itu kan mulutnya dua..

Jadi.., usahain kalo bisa rahasia jgn dibagi2 dech..
biar simpen sendiri aja..
karena loe gak akan tau siapa kawan yg bisa jadi lawan..

ini pelajaran buat gue, dalam mempercayai seseorg.
moga2 berguna buat loe2 org juga..

Nikah?? Im not ready dech kayanya...

Nikah.., sepupu gue udah pada mau nikah. Even mereka masih lebih muda dari gue.
Let me counting, berapa adek sepupu yang udah ngelangkahin gue..
kurang ajar, masa ngelangkahin yang lebih tua (yg lebih parah gak pake uang pelangkah) hehehe..

Bonyok gue udah ribut nyuruhin gue buru2 nikah.
Gak tau gara2 bosen n cape ngurusin gue, ato karena mereka gak pengen gue dapet julukan perawan tua.. (ya ampyunn mamiii, eike baru 26 tahun please dech akh)

Salah satu sepupu gue, yang planning merid tahun 2010 bilang
pas dia merid, dia bakal ngasih gue bunganya.. heheh gak usah pake dilempar.
Langsung kasih ke gue aja, biar gue bisa cepet nyusul..
hmmm..., its make me thinking.., apa gue udah sedesperate itu di mata mereka?
yah.., gue sih thanks banget buat perhatian mereka.., tapi too extrem kayanya..

apalagi dia bilang, mending gue lempar tapi yang bole rebutan cuma loe, uncle "X", and brother "Y". Secara uncle "X" gue udah umur 40 an, dan brother "Y" gue udah 30 an..
Dalam hati gue, DAMN!! gue ngerasa gue kagak sedesperate itu dech..

Gue selalu mikir, orang2 yang bisa menikah di usia muda (without embel2 MBA ya) bener2 harus diacungi jempol.

Mereka yang bisa ngambil keputusan sepenting itu, mereka yang berani mengorbankan ego mereka, menghilangkan kata2 "aku" dan ganti jadi "kita", mereka yang harus kehilangan sebagian besar waktu2 untuk diri sendiri, temen2, dan segudang kegiatan favorite lainnya.

Honestly, im not ready for that..
pengen sih nikah, pengen bobo ada yang temenin, pengen ada tempat berbagi, pengen ada yang manjain, pengen ada lindungin, pengen punya keluarga, pengen punya anak..
TAPI.., belum siap buat kehilangan hidup gue sdri..

BEAUTIFUL

(Don't look at me) 

Everyday is so wonderful 

And suddenly, it's hard to breathe 

Now and then, I get insecure 

From all the pain, 

I'm so ashamed 

I am beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring me down 

I am beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring me down, oh no 

So don't you bring me down today 

To all your friends you're delirious 

So consumed in all your doom 

Trying hard to fill the emptiness, 

The pieces gone, 

Left the puzzle undone, 

Ain't that the way it is? 

You are beautiful no matter what they say 

Words can't bring you down, no, no 

You are beautiful in every single way 

Yes words can't bring you down, oh, no 

So don't you bring me down today 

No matter what we do 

(no matter what we do) 

No matter what we say 

(no matter what we say) 

We're the song inside the tune 

(yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah) 

Full of beautiful mistakes 

And everywhere we go 

(and everywhere we go) 

The sun will always shine 

(sun will always, always shine) 

But tomorrow we might awake 

On the other side 

'Cause we are beautiful, 

No matter what they say 

Yes, words won't bring us down, oh no 

We are beautiful in every single way 

Yes, words can't bring us down, oh no 

So don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down today 

Don't you bring me down... 

Mmm, today

stop in the name of love

Still remember this lyric :
Skali lagi maafkan lah
karna aku cinta kau dan dia
maafkanlah ku tak bisa
tinggalkan dirinya..

there is alot off people feel the same way..
loving two people in the same time,
cant choose which one he/she love the most.

For me, LOVE is monovalent..
yeah.., honestly i used to be in that situation.
but i realized i deserve someone better.
someone who can give his love for me, and just for me (or maybe our child).
I know its difficult to find someone who can love u, just u.

People who cheated usually said, that they didnt love their secret lover, they did it only a few reason "it feels different, so exciting, different taste, different services, bla bla bla"

OR they will say they didnt love they real partner and their heart only for u.
They promise will leave their real partner for u, OR the worst is they not promise u anything, not do anything to make ur relationship status get better, but also want to make u their property.

Its all bullshit!!!
They will never do anything for u.
Forget about LOVE, if he/she love u they will never ever do that bad thing to you.
They will not make u as their second choice.
Meet only if they have time or when their partner go somewhere.
Too affraid to pick up your call when they with their partner?
When u wanna break up they always say that u are their true love??
Cant live without u?
Never give a f*** with that!!!

And think about if you at their real partner situation,
Could u imagine how u feel when u know it?
U kiss someone who used to be kiss another guy/girl last night??
yakkkssss!! its so disgusting and hurting at the same time.
And how u feel when u know the one u love hide someone in their heart??
When he say he love u, its mean he love u only half or a quarter of his heart??

U DESERVE BETTER FRIENDS!!!!!!
so Stop in the Name of Love..

Never think that u will never find someone better than him/her.
coz u never know what u will find bfore u open ur eyes and heart for other..

Life is a game,
u wanna keep stay in the game that u know for sure u will never win, coz u r too affraid to leave ur comfort zone??
or you can out, and trying another game even u still dont know at the end u will win or lose??
Its all depend on you..

You want to have 100% chance to LOSE
or
You want to have 50 : 50 chances to WIN / LOSE.

my wedding plan

When : Soon, still discuss about this with both family

Where : Canada : Ice Hotel, Quebec
Indonesia : Tirtha Uluwatu, Bali

Bridal : Still not sure, JJ Bride? France & Taipei?

Photo : Outdoor for sure

Wedding ring : Frank & Co

Invitation : Nature concept, maybe beach theme (we both love beach)

Who will be invited : Not much, only my family, his family, our closest friend, we wanna our ceremony feel comfort and friendly, not too crowded.

Who will become the bridesmaid : hmm.., maybe his sister.

Honeymoon place : Bintan? Maldives? depend on our budget..

Where we will stay : Not in Medan, for sure. So our choice only in Bali or Jakarta.

" Hmmm.., apalagi yang harus disiapin yah? Waktu, tempat, undangan, bridal, cincin, kayanya udah semua dech"

Doh.., gak sabar pengen ketemu dia waktu dia pulang.
Mudah2an dia ga berubah pikiran yah..
gimana caranya nyambut dia, aku mesti jemput ke airport gak??

trus gimana kalo dia gak bahas2 masalah ini lagi??
masa aku yg mesti negorin sih "pertanyaan will u marry me masih berlaku gak" duhh.., basi banget gak sih??
kalo misalnya dia berubah pikiran gimana yah??
kalo di Canada dia ketemu cew yang lebih OK gimana yah??
hikshiksss.... bingung banget nich...

"INDAH, PLEASE COME HERE AND DO PAGE 10 QUESTION NO 2"

Sayup2 aku denger suara Sir Killer memanggil ku, aku buka mataku.
"ALAMAKKKKK.., Sir Killer melotot dan membuyarkan mimpi indah ku. NASIB NASIBBB"!!!!!

Begitulah akhir mimpi indahku..

will u marry me???

Yah.., will you marry me??
itu yang dia bilang sebelum memasuki ruangan tunggu Airport.
Seketika itu juga nafasku seakan-akan berhenti, aku lupa bernafas, suply udara ke otak ku tertahan.
" Aku butuh pegangan, harus! atau aku akan jatuh karena kaki ku seakan-akan tidak bertulang" batin ku dalam hati.

Aku langsung bersandar pada besi pembatas, tak bisa berkata-kata.
Kupandangi wajah nya lama sekali, dia seakan-akan bisa membaca pikiranku.
" Just think about it, i need your answer when i come back here. And i hope i will be a good news for me, for you and for us." Dia mengecup pipi dan memelukku.

" I will miss you and dont worry i will come back here, only 3 weeks babe".
Aku tau dia mengatakan hal ini untuk menenangkan ku, menghindari air mata ini tumpah.
But who cares?? he wasnt my boyfriend anymore, he not more than friend for me.
Ok i cant lie, i feel a little bit sad, and worry.
Imagine u must take 20 hours flight from here to there. Anything could be happen, and i dont want something bad happen to him.

" Bye babe" dia melepaskan pelukannya perlahan-lahan dan menuju pintu masuk airport.

Aku menyaksikan dia perlahan-lahan menghilang dari pandanganku.
" Bye Sweetie, i will miss u", hanya ini yang bisa katakan dalam hati.
Saat ini yang bisa aku lakukan hanya berjalan tanpa menengok kebelakang dan langsung menuju mobil.
Dimobil aku langsung menyalakan rokok, Pernyataan " WIll you marry me" terlalu mengejutkan dan yang dapat membantu memperbaiki suasana hatiku hanya rokok.

Kuhisap panjang benda penyebab kanker paru itu lalu menghembuskannya secara perlahan.
Dalam hati bertanya-tanya, ada apa sebenarnya? Apa yang menyebabkan dia begitu cepat berubah pikiran? Hanya dalam selang waktu 3 hari dan semuanya berubah.

3 hari yang lalu dia masih bilang kalau hubungan kita lebih baik seperti ini, seperti dua sahabat baik.
Tapi sekarang, tanpa tedeng aling-aling dia mengatakan 4 kalimat nan manjur mujarab serta ajaib itu di depanku.
Gak ada makan malam romantis, gak ada meja dengan bunga mawar, champagne, dan juga cincin berlian 5 karat (ok kalau yang ini agak mengkhayal sedikit).

Doh.., mau terima gak yah??

Its ain't easy to say good bye

Its really2 difficult to say good bye..
and it more difficult if u still love him/her.

Thats exactly what i feel now..
one part of my heart still can't believe it..
I lose him.., he wasn't my boyfriend anymore.
I can't feel his touch, his kiss..

Everytime i passed the place or street, its always remind me of him..
everytime i saw a couple, holding hand each other i remember him..
so sad hah??
My heart bleeding, i can't stop crying
I feel incomplete..

But something happen to me..
i heard someone whispered to my ears, that this is the best way for us ( i can't even see who said that)!!
that thing happen just like that...
now i can say good bye..
even im still sad, mad, dissapointed, but now i can accept it..
that we are not belong together..

its really2 ain't easy to say goodbye, but sometime u should know and realize when u need to say good bye..

its hurt at the beginning.., but its better than u are too affraid to say that magical word..
yeah... "GOOD BYE"!!

When u are not too affraid to say I LOVE U, u should ready to say GOOD BYE..
Coz nothing stay forever..

THANKS, KAMSAM HAMNIDA, XIE XIE, KAMSIA,, MERCI

First of all, I wanna say thanks to my beloved Father. Thanks Father for give me a strengh so i can made this decision (Even its not easy, & it really hurt) and thanks bcoz You blessing me with a wonderful friends..

Thanks to Sarah Eva Elisabeth, who gave me a shoulder to cry on, who cried and laughed with me, who always trying make me happy, and i know its not easy.
How could its easy to feel happy, when your heart broken into a thousand pieces??

Thanks to Teky Widjaja Kodiasdianata, who gave me support and so patient to listen what i said.
Called me, even he know all that he can hear only "hiks hiks hiks".
He gave me strengh and teach me to find what God wants from me.

Thanks to Roy Rianto, he is my friend who always know how to put himself in different situations, he could be soo serious, or never serious.

Thanks to Dedy, coz u put Roy in a "Advanture of Tin Tin" hehehhe

Thanks to Irwan, who made a beautiful poem that exactly like my situation..
Finally i made a decision Wan, finally the Lord of Time cant control my self anymore.

Thanks to Robie, who always being my good friend, give me advice (even sometimes i like to make him mad) but he always be there for me..

Thanks 4 all my friends that i didnt say or explain here..

I'm so glad i have a wonderful friends like u guys..
i love u all..
mmuuuaaaccchhhh

WEIRD

Stranger…

I don’t know your name..

I don’t know your hobby

I don’t know your favorite foods, drinks, or sports

I don’t even know who you are..

All I know is you are a nice guy

Friend..

We start to sent email each other

We start to had phone conversation everyday

We start to made a plan for weekend

We start to hang out together

I realized you are a good friend

More than friend..

I start felt there is chemistry between us

I can’t stopped think about you

Now hugged and kissed gently..

Dating and falling in love

I felt I’m the happiest person in the world

Stranger...

Never talk about anything

Everything seems going wrong

Feel so far away from you

Can’t felt your touch, your kissed, everything felt so flat

Its weird, but now we going to be a STRANGER, like the first time we met

1998 - 2008

Kemarin, tepatnya tanggal 29 Mei 2008 kurang lebih satu tahun berselang semenjak kejadian berdarah 1998.
Siang hari, tiba2 bos ku mendapat kabar bahwa ada 1 daerah yang mengalami kekacauan dan kemungkinan mengarah ke penjarahan yang brutal.
Mendengar berita itu, langsung aja bulu kuduk merinding, betis lemas, hati pun gak bisa tenang.
Segera aku menelpon orang tua, temen2 untuk memperingati mereka tentang hal ini.

Mendadak kejadian 10 tahun lalu seperti berputar-putar di otak ku.
Kengerian, kebrutalan, ketakutan, semua seakan2 terlihat di depan mata.
Tahun 1998, aku masih duduk di bangku SMU. Saat terdengar kabar bahwa rombongan masyarakat mendekati sekolah kami langsung saja guru2 memerintahkan murid2 yang membawa mobil untuk segera memasukkan mobil ke dalam lapangan sekolah..
Fuihh, untung belum punya mobil..
Tapi susahnya gak jadi orang kaya, untuk bisa nelpon dan ngabarin orang tua aku harus keluar dari sekolah untuk mendapatkan telpon umum.
Keadaan diluar sekolah, sunyi sepi lenggang (bagi orang Medan, pasti tau gimana keadaan jl. S. parman di hari sekolah).
Telpon umum pun harus ngantri..

Akhirnya, setelah issue itu mereda kami diperbolehkan pulang lebih cepat.
Thanks to my older brother who picked me up that time..
Bayangin, naek Vespa dan dengan perasaan takut yang luar biasa.

Temen-temen, bisa bayangin gak kalo kejadian tahun1998 terulang lagi?
Kalo aku punya duit, aku lebih milih tinggal di luar negeri dech (biar miskin dan susah cari kerja yang penting aman).

Kadang membingungkan, sebenernya apa sih yang mereka tuntut??
Harga bensin diturunkan??? Apa kemungkinan itu masih ada??
Banyak orang bilang yang demon itu orang2 yang gak berpendidikan, tapi kenapa ironisnya malah mahasiswa yang konon melakukan hal itu??

Sampai kapan negeri kita ini bisa damai, tenang??
Terutama bagi kita, orang2 yang dilahirkan dengan kulit putih, mata cipit??
Selamanya kita tetap berbeda, walaupun secara hukum, kita sama.
Sama-sama orang Indonesia.
Sama-sama menginginkan kemajuan Indonesia kita...

All about me

POB : Jakarta

DOB : 17 Oct 1982

Relationship status : In Relationship

Height : 155cm (quite petite)

Weight : 40kg – 45kg (depend on my mood)

Fave colour : Black and white

Fave movie : Horror

Fave food : Too many

Fave drink : All kind of booze

Fave activity : Sleeping

Shirt size : XS, S

Pant size : 25 – 27 or 2 for US size (depend on the brand)

Bra size : 32 cup C or 34 cup C (again, depend on the brand)

Ring size : 11 (in case someone wanna buy a ring for me) :P